Who Knew?

I've been meeting with JB since early November on Wednesday night in a discipleship group.  We're going through this book

We usually start off by catching up on life and then we move through the lesson.  Typically, we have a lot of life dispersed throughout.  Its been really great and while the book hasn't taught us anything earth-shattering, it's brought a lot of reminders and new ways of looking at old truths.  At the beginning of the year, MH joined us and she's been a welcome addition.  This week's lesson was on the fruits of the Spirit.  It was interesting because we all knew about the fruits of the Spirit, but the author broke them down individually in a way that none of us had really considered before.  One of the questions was which one of the fruits do you need God's grace for growth.  I need joy!  Clearly, that much is obvious based on where I am right now but the author described it in a way that I'd never considered before.

This is part of the description that hit me hard: Joy transcends circumstances.  We often confuse happiness and joy.  Happiness has to do with "everything going my way" whereas joy can coexist with suffering and grief.  Joy is stable because it is rooted in hope."  I have never considered this before and I'm really not sure what I feel yet because I'm still processing it but I know that it did give me hope that I will make it through this.  I need to stop focusing on me and start looking outward again instead of inward.

As I was sharing this with the girls, I just opened up and told them exactly how I was feeling, etc.  I apologized cause I felt like I was making it all about me.  These 2 looked at me and assured me that while I wasn't doing that, even if I had been that's why we had this group....not just to learn but also to be able to share honestly about what's happening without fear of judgment.  Wow, did I need to hear that!  I'm so blessed to be able to meet with these girls each week and I'm excited about the friendship we are building and where that is going to go.

I'm not magically healed and filled with joy again but I feel like I have hope again.  Hope that I will walk this out and when I get to the other side, I'll be able to look back and see where I grew even though it doesn't feel like that right now.  So MH & JB, thank you for allowing me to share my heart and for letting it be all about me tonight!