I got a bit of it today! Even now as I'm typing I have tears rolling down my face.
All day a friend from Denver kept showing up in my news feed on Facebook. He and I were never close but we did have the same circle of friends so we hung out together on many occasions. I finally took the time to find out what was going and and found out that he was diagnosed with a tumor on his brain stem yesterday. He went to the ER for something else and was diagnosed. It's so serious that they are beginning radiation immediately and trying to decide if they'll do chemo. Because the brain stem is so delicate they aren't sure what they can do. He's a year older than I am! Yep, I'm kind of freaked out.
I suddenly realized that my problems/issues are nothing compared to what he's got going on right now! How can I be so selfish and inwardly focused when his life has just changed forever? He loves Jesus and has a whole YWAM community praying for him so I know that whatever the outcome is, Jesus will get the credit and some cool stuff will happen along the way.
And for me...well, it's just a reminder to get my head back in the game and stop sitting on the sidelines!
Wednesday, October 19, 2011
Thursday, October 13, 2011
One Night at Dinner
There I was having dinner with a friend I hadn't seen in a while. We were just chatting about life and how things were going, trying to catch up on all the changes we've experienced. She was telling me about her new job and how she knew she was meant to be where she was in this moment, even though she didn't fully understand it.
All of a sudden it's like this light bulb went on over my head and I had this amazing revelation. I've spent my whole life immersed in Christian environments. I even spent 5 years in missions. When I left the missions organization, it took me almost a year and a half to work through everything that had happened. I remember being somewhat angry at the experiences I'd had because I felt like I'd lived in such a vacuum and once I left, I was no longer a part of that and was immediately forgotten. I'd given 5 years of myself to that place and now I wasn't even a blip on the screen. Realistically, that wasn't excited true but that's what I was feeling.
Fast forward to today and after 10 years in one position, I again left and seemingly was immediately forgotten. What just happened? Why did I just give up 10 years of my life for what feels like nothing? As my friend was talking, I realized that at this point, I wasn't excited at the thought of going back to a Christian workplace. In both of my current jobs, I work with people who don't necessarily love Jesus but they know I do. And they don't judge me, they accept me for who I am, respect what I have to say and ask my opinion. My whole life I had this preconceived notion that I'd never want to be in a secular environment because people would mock and judge me for being a Christian, I wouldn't be accepted, etc. Umm wow, did I ever make a huge judgement!! Last night sitting there, I realized that I really love interacting with the people I work with and I love how we are all so different and yet we find a way to get along.
I still don't understand all that has happened and probably never will, but I do know that without realizing it, I've totally and completely changed the way I look at unbelievers. I'd made a judgement that I wasn't aware of and God came in and just showed me how wrong I've been. Wow, was my mind blown. I don't really know what the next step is but I know that I'm going to start paying more attention to what's going on around me.
All of a sudden it's like this light bulb went on over my head and I had this amazing revelation. I've spent my whole life immersed in Christian environments. I even spent 5 years in missions. When I left the missions organization, it took me almost a year and a half to work through everything that had happened. I remember being somewhat angry at the experiences I'd had because I felt like I'd lived in such a vacuum and once I left, I was no longer a part of that and was immediately forgotten. I'd given 5 years of myself to that place and now I wasn't even a blip on the screen. Realistically, that wasn't excited true but that's what I was feeling.
Fast forward to today and after 10 years in one position, I again left and seemingly was immediately forgotten. What just happened? Why did I just give up 10 years of my life for what feels like nothing? As my friend was talking, I realized that at this point, I wasn't excited at the thought of going back to a Christian workplace. In both of my current jobs, I work with people who don't necessarily love Jesus but they know I do. And they don't judge me, they accept me for who I am, respect what I have to say and ask my opinion. My whole life I had this preconceived notion that I'd never want to be in a secular environment because people would mock and judge me for being a Christian, I wouldn't be accepted, etc. Umm wow, did I ever make a huge judgement!! Last night sitting there, I realized that I really love interacting with the people I work with and I love how we are all so different and yet we find a way to get along.
I still don't understand all that has happened and probably never will, but I do know that without realizing it, I've totally and completely changed the way I look at unbelievers. I'd made a judgement that I wasn't aware of and God came in and just showed me how wrong I've been. Wow, was my mind blown. I don't really know what the next step is but I know that I'm going to start paying more attention to what's going on around me.
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