Dang, I'm terrible at posting these days. I feel like there are so many things happening and none of them very positive so instead of complaining or being negative I've chosen to not blog for a bit.
I'm sad that's its already August and it seems as though the summer has flown by and I feel like I wasted it - haven't done a lot of fun things recently but August is also a big birthday month, both in my family and with my friends. So having said all that, I have either a birthday party or wedding to attend for the next several weekends so it will be good to re-connect with people I don't get to see much these days.
Yesterday was my niece Lauren's birthday - she turned 4. If you guys know me at all, you know how much I love this child and how much she loves me. My sister always jokes that she's my daughter because whenever I'm around, she wants to sit with me or I have to do everything for her. We are celebrating her birthday this weekend, so I'll save her birthday post for later as well as some pics from the party.
I wanted to share a blog with you that my dear friend Pam writes. She's been posting a lot about shame lately, and let's just say its given me a lot to think about, especially how I have and am still allowing it to rule me in some ways. Here's the link: she's a wise woman!
Well I realize that this post is pretty dull! Hopefully, I'll have some fun updates for you in the next few weeks!
Wednesday, August 17, 2011
Tuesday, July 19, 2011
All About Me
A few days ago, a friend of mine posted on her blog and let's just say it caught my attention. Here's her post: You know how sometimes you read something and you get that sinking feeling in the pit of your stomach?? Well that's how I felt when I read it.
I do this all the time, sometimes with the things she talks about but more often than not I do it with life stuff. Such as, how come they know what they're doing with their life, why is she married and I'm not?, and the list goes on and on.
I've been reading a lot again lately and picked up Karen Kingsbury series. The main character in the book was named Bailey and she was asking God all these questions about why this or how come did this happen? All of a sudden she had this revelation about how she'd become so inward focused that she'd turned into a selfish, self-centered individual and had missed the things that were going on in the people's lives around her.
Then I had lunch with a friend last week and she had some really encouraging things to say. The most encouraging thing for me was that I'm not alone, a lot of others are feeling what I'm feeling and while it might feel like we're in the wilderness, God has us there for a reason and when we come out of that place, He's going to do some amazing things.
Wow, I feel as though God has been trying to tell me something, so I think it's time I listened. So I'm resolving to take my eyes off of myself, open my ears and heart to what God says, and take stock of what's going on around me finally. I'm excited to see what I'm going to learn.
I do this all the time, sometimes with the things she talks about but more often than not I do it with life stuff. Such as, how come they know what they're doing with their life, why is she married and I'm not?, and the list goes on and on.
I've been reading a lot again lately and picked up Karen Kingsbury series. The main character in the book was named Bailey and she was asking God all these questions about why this or how come did this happen? All of a sudden she had this revelation about how she'd become so inward focused that she'd turned into a selfish, self-centered individual and had missed the things that were going on in the people's lives around her.
Then I had lunch with a friend last week and she had some really encouraging things to say. The most encouraging thing for me was that I'm not alone, a lot of others are feeling what I'm feeling and while it might feel like we're in the wilderness, God has us there for a reason and when we come out of that place, He's going to do some amazing things.
Wow, I feel as though God has been trying to tell me something, so I think it's time I listened. So I'm resolving to take my eyes off of myself, open my ears and heart to what God says, and take stock of what's going on around me finally. I'm excited to see what I'm going to learn.
Wednesday, June 29, 2011
Back to the Beginning
I know it's been several weeks since I've blogged but my Internet has been and still is down!:( But alas, my computer has been staying with Aubrey and she's been gracious enough to let me come and visit on occasion.
It's probably best that I haven't been able to blog because I've been feeling very blah and it really ramped up last week. I realize that everything that has happened over the past 6 months has made a much deeper impact on me than I'd been willing to admit. I realize how much my heart has been hurting with all the transitions and it really came to light tonight.
I was sitting with Jessica and Megan (2 of the girls in my discipleship group) and listening to them share about where they were at and what they were looking forward to. My heart sort of broke in that moment because I realized that I didn't feel as though I had the same things to look forward to. Honestly, we are all in different places and I know that someday I will be there as well but it's just where I was in that moment. At the end of our time, they asked me where I was and I just broke down in tears. I didn't really want to share but they wanted to know so I sort of shared my heart and they asked if they could pray. As Megan prayed she said something that totally struck me. She prayed that God would give me hope, she said that it's all around Angie, on her finger, around her neck, in her bathroom, everywhere so please give that back to her. In that moment, I realized that somehow along the way, I've lost my hope.
When I started this blog it was for the intent of finding something that gave me hope every day and I feel as though that has gone by the wayside. I don't feel hopeful, I feel sad and defeated, and alone. I don't know that I've ever felt so alone in my life. As I write this, the tears are filling my eyes again because I'm also afraid about putting it out there and being so vulnerable about what I'm feeling. Jessica told me that I'm always strong and sometimes its ok not to be...hmmm that's hard for me. But I also know that when you share where you're at, its no longer secret and Satan can no longer speak lies to you.
So I want to go back to the beginning and try to start again - I want to find something that gives me hope each and every day!
It's probably best that I haven't been able to blog because I've been feeling very blah and it really ramped up last week. I realize that everything that has happened over the past 6 months has made a much deeper impact on me than I'd been willing to admit. I realize how much my heart has been hurting with all the transitions and it really came to light tonight.
I was sitting with Jessica and Megan (2 of the girls in my discipleship group) and listening to them share about where they were at and what they were looking forward to. My heart sort of broke in that moment because I realized that I didn't feel as though I had the same things to look forward to. Honestly, we are all in different places and I know that someday I will be there as well but it's just where I was in that moment. At the end of our time, they asked me where I was and I just broke down in tears. I didn't really want to share but they wanted to know so I sort of shared my heart and they asked if they could pray. As Megan prayed she said something that totally struck me. She prayed that God would give me hope, she said that it's all around Angie, on her finger, around her neck, in her bathroom, everywhere so please give that back to her. In that moment, I realized that somehow along the way, I've lost my hope.
When I started this blog it was for the intent of finding something that gave me hope every day and I feel as though that has gone by the wayside. I don't feel hopeful, I feel sad and defeated, and alone. I don't know that I've ever felt so alone in my life. As I write this, the tears are filling my eyes again because I'm also afraid about putting it out there and being so vulnerable about what I'm feeling. Jessica told me that I'm always strong and sometimes its ok not to be...hmmm that's hard for me. But I also know that when you share where you're at, its no longer secret and Satan can no longer speak lies to you.
So I want to go back to the beginning and try to start again - I want to find something that gives me hope each and every day!
Tuesday, June 7, 2011
To Judge or Not to Judge
This past weekend I went to Morton to stay with Tanya because Lamar was out of town. We had a really relaxing weekend, hanging out with the kids and doing a bit of shopping. We went to BW3's for dinner on Saturday which we both love, and then got a movie and went back to their house.
Lamar came back on Saturday night so we'd planned to go to church the next morning. But it was storming and everyone was tired so we opted out. Lamar eventually decided he wanted to go to Cracker Barrel for breakfast but there was a pretty big wait, so we went to Steak N Shake.
The waitress came to our table almost immediately and she was pretty attentive. When she walked away to get our drinks, Tanya mentioned that she had some coupons (shocking I know) and so we started looking through them to see what we could find. When the waitress came back we were still going through them and that's when the change happened. After that, she wasn't very attentive and barely came back to the table to check up on us.
As we were leaving Lamar made the point that once she saw the coupons, she pretty much made a snap judgment about us! Never mind that most people are doing what they can to cut costs these days but we felt like the minute she saw those, she pegged us as people who couldn't afford to eat out and had no money.
I was thinking about that on Sunday afternoon when I was driving home. I'm really not unlike that waitress. I make snap judgments all the time about people and about 75% of the time, I'm way off. I realized how upset I was when I realized what the waitress was thinking about me and was really convicted about how I must make people feel. And now I'm going to be totally honest and tell you that judgement is the one thing I've struggled with my entire life. It's gotten better over the years but it's always there in the back of my mind. I hate that about myself but its also made me work really hard to overcome it.
As I've been thinking about that, I was reminded of the post my sister wrote about allowing negative thoughts to come in and how they can take over our thought processes. I realized that I allow that to happen way to often which then makes me even more judgmental...kind of a vicious cycle. Anyway, I'm not sure that I've come to any resolution about this except to say that because I'm aware of it, I now am hopeful that I will begin to see a change. Who knew Steak N Shake could be so deep?
Lamar came back on Saturday night so we'd planned to go to church the next morning. But it was storming and everyone was tired so we opted out. Lamar eventually decided he wanted to go to Cracker Barrel for breakfast but there was a pretty big wait, so we went to Steak N Shake.
The waitress came to our table almost immediately and she was pretty attentive. When she walked away to get our drinks, Tanya mentioned that she had some coupons (shocking I know) and so we started looking through them to see what we could find. When the waitress came back we were still going through them and that's when the change happened. After that, she wasn't very attentive and barely came back to the table to check up on us.
As we were leaving Lamar made the point that once she saw the coupons, she pretty much made a snap judgment about us! Never mind that most people are doing what they can to cut costs these days but we felt like the minute she saw those, she pegged us as people who couldn't afford to eat out and had no money.
I was thinking about that on Sunday afternoon when I was driving home. I'm really not unlike that waitress. I make snap judgments all the time about people and about 75% of the time, I'm way off. I realized how upset I was when I realized what the waitress was thinking about me and was really convicted about how I must make people feel. And now I'm going to be totally honest and tell you that judgement is the one thing I've struggled with my entire life. It's gotten better over the years but it's always there in the back of my mind. I hate that about myself but its also made me work really hard to overcome it.
As I've been thinking about that, I was reminded of the post my sister wrote about allowing negative thoughts to come in and how they can take over our thought processes. I realized that I allow that to happen way to often which then makes me even more judgmental...kind of a vicious cycle. Anyway, I'm not sure that I've come to any resolution about this except to say that because I'm aware of it, I now am hopeful that I will begin to see a change. Who knew Steak N Shake could be so deep?
Friday, June 3, 2011
This and That
I know it's been a while since I've blogged but as I feel as though there isn't much going on right now. I guess there are always things I'm processing internally but nothing I'm ready to share.
This past weekend was Memorial Day and I had to work on Friday night and Saturday afternoon/evening. I have to say that I really enjoy the ladies I work with at the Loft. Yes, it's a job but some days it's just a lot of fun. Saturday was one of those days. I got to work with Melanie, Rachel and Nina and it was a good time. I talked them into ordering pizza and in between laughing and eating, we actually had a great time styling our clients.
Sunday I met Jenna and her sister Emily & her husband and Owen for lunch. It was nice to see them and catch up since it had been a while. That night we went and hung out with a good friend, who graciously made us dinner and then we went to see Bridesmaids. OMG - this movie is hilarious. There are some slightly inappropriate moments if you can get past those, this movie will make you cry its so funny.
Monday I helped some friends move and then went to the Larson's for an amazing cookout. They made chicken and steak fajitas which were unbelievable. We played bocci ball which I won and then croquet. I didn't do so well at croquet. Afterward, I went to hang out with a my good friend Christina and we chatted the night away.
As I'm writing this, I'm realizing how blessed I am with so many different and yet amazing people in my life. I feel as though I've waited my whole life to have the types of relationships that I have now. I have people who love me know matter what and who will speak into my life when I need them to, will cry with me, laugh with me, pray with me. I'm so grateful for all of the people who love me just where I am.
This past weekend was Memorial Day and I had to work on Friday night and Saturday afternoon/evening. I have to say that I really enjoy the ladies I work with at the Loft. Yes, it's a job but some days it's just a lot of fun. Saturday was one of those days. I got to work with Melanie, Rachel and Nina and it was a good time. I talked them into ordering pizza and in between laughing and eating, we actually had a great time styling our clients.
Sunday I met Jenna and her sister Emily & her husband and Owen for lunch. It was nice to see them and catch up since it had been a while. That night we went and hung out with a good friend, who graciously made us dinner and then we went to see Bridesmaids. OMG - this movie is hilarious. There are some slightly inappropriate moments if you can get past those, this movie will make you cry its so funny.
Monday I helped some friends move and then went to the Larson's for an amazing cookout. They made chicken and steak fajitas which were unbelievable. We played bocci ball which I won and then croquet. I didn't do so well at croquet. Afterward, I went to hang out with a my good friend Christina and we chatted the night away.
As I'm writing this, I'm realizing how blessed I am with so many different and yet amazing people in my life. I feel as though I've waited my whole life to have the types of relationships that I have now. I have people who love me know matter what and who will speak into my life when I need them to, will cry with me, laugh with me, pray with me. I'm so grateful for all of the people who love me just where I am.
Wednesday, May 25, 2011
Boys & Birthdays, Part 2
In my last post, I wrote about my nephew Brady. Well this post is dedicated to my nephew Peyton, who's birthday is May 20th. He turned the big 06 this year!
While I remember Peyton being born, the only thing that sticks out vividly in my mind is Tanya's fear that her baby was going to be ugly! Of course, Lisa and I teased her incessantly about this and when we walked into the room the first time to see him, we both said, "Oh that's such a cute hat he's wearing!" You see sometimes if you don't know what to say to someone who's child is unattractive, you can comment on their articles of clothing. She knew this and immediately responded with, "I hate both of you!" Seriously though he was a cute baby and we were thrilled for her.
Tanya wrote about how Peyton was a colicky baby and he really was. He had digestive issues and I swear to you, I'd never seen a child vomit as much as he did. The most memorable time was when Tanya and I were running errands and I'd gotten him out of the car in his carrier. I looked away for 1 second and when I turned back, he was vomiting everywhere. It was like a geyser and let me just say, I didn't know that much vomit could come out of such a tiny individual. He filled up the carrier so we had to go back to the house to clean him up. Once he outgrew that he became quite a sweet child but he also had incredibly sensitive skin so he had a rash as well. I think it may have been somewhat prophetic that Peyton spent the early years of his life being so sensitive because that's his personality. He has a very sweet little heart and is very sensitive and kind. Of course, he's also a typical boy and loves to cause trouble and he HATES to lose!
The other really special thing about Peyton is that he's named after our brother, Wendall. There are a lot of similarities between the two and their baby pictures are very similar. It seems as though everyone who knew Wendall comments on how much Peyton is just like him or looks just like him. In some ways, its like we still have a part of Wendall with us. I can tell you this much, my brother would have spoiled these kids rotten - they say I'm bad but I don't think there would have been any comparison with him.
It's been fun to watch Peyton turn into a little man. He loves to play sports as well, especially baseball and he's got a mean throw. He loves video games and the computer and of course, teasing his sister. One of my favorite things about him is his voice. He has such a deep voice for a 6 yr old and it's hilarious when he walks into the room and makes an announcement. Peyton also has a fondness for wearing too small pajamas. Tanya has pictures somewhere which I'm sure we'll torture him with someday. All and all Peyton has the ability to make people smile and most people just love the kid!
This picture just makes me smile - Happy Birthday buddy!
While I remember Peyton being born, the only thing that sticks out vividly in my mind is Tanya's fear that her baby was going to be ugly! Of course, Lisa and I teased her incessantly about this and when we walked into the room the first time to see him, we both said, "Oh that's such a cute hat he's wearing!" You see sometimes if you don't know what to say to someone who's child is unattractive, you can comment on their articles of clothing. She knew this and immediately responded with, "I hate both of you!" Seriously though he was a cute baby and we were thrilled for her.
Tanya wrote about how Peyton was a colicky baby and he really was. He had digestive issues and I swear to you, I'd never seen a child vomit as much as he did. The most memorable time was when Tanya and I were running errands and I'd gotten him out of the car in his carrier. I looked away for 1 second and when I turned back, he was vomiting everywhere. It was like a geyser and let me just say, I didn't know that much vomit could come out of such a tiny individual. He filled up the carrier so we had to go back to the house to clean him up. Once he outgrew that he became quite a sweet child but he also had incredibly sensitive skin so he had a rash as well. I think it may have been somewhat prophetic that Peyton spent the early years of his life being so sensitive because that's his personality. He has a very sweet little heart and is very sensitive and kind. Of course, he's also a typical boy and loves to cause trouble and he HATES to lose!
The other really special thing about Peyton is that he's named after our brother, Wendall. There are a lot of similarities between the two and their baby pictures are very similar. It seems as though everyone who knew Wendall comments on how much Peyton is just like him or looks just like him. In some ways, its like we still have a part of Wendall with us. I can tell you this much, my brother would have spoiled these kids rotten - they say I'm bad but I don't think there would have been any comparison with him.
It's been fun to watch Peyton turn into a little man. He loves to play sports as well, especially baseball and he's got a mean throw. He loves video games and the computer and of course, teasing his sister. One of my favorite things about him is his voice. He has such a deep voice for a 6 yr old and it's hilarious when he walks into the room and makes an announcement. Peyton also has a fondness for wearing too small pajamas. Tanya has pictures somewhere which I'm sure we'll torture him with someday. All and all Peyton has the ability to make people smile and most people just love the kid!
This picture just makes me smile - Happy Birthday buddy!
Monday, May 23, 2011
Boys & Birthdays
This month two of my 3 nephews had birthdays. I thought it seemed appropriate for me to share some memories about the both of them since I shared about Lindsey.
Brady was born on May 5th and let me tell you, his birth was very exciting and sad at the same time. You see I was in Denver when he was born so I got all these phone calls telling me how adorable he was and yet, I couldn't see him. He was a month old the first time I saw him and wow, was I in love! He was probably one of the cutest babies I've ever seen and no I'm not biased!:) My best friend was getting married that day and about 5 minutes before the wedding started, they pulled me into the hall so I could meet him. I was told I could hold him but if he threw up on me I was in big trouble. I have a photo of that moment which unfortunately isn't digital so I can't upload it. I was hooked! He came to visit me in Denver that August and he was even more adorable then the first time I saw him!
Brady was the sweetest little boy and he loved his daddy! No one could compete with his dad at all - he was a major sports fan as soon as he could make sense of it. He even learned how to read the sports page and would sit at the table and read all the scores every morning. When he was really young, the Cubs had a really good year and were in the playoffs. He knew what time the game was and he made sure that he reminded his mom so she could turn it on for him. He sat on the couch and watched the entire game and when they lost, it was very clear that his little heart was broken. He continues to love them to this day.
Another one of my favorite memories is when he was younger, his dad took him to an Illinois game. They played Michigan State and the half time show were all these little dogs. It must have made a big impression on him because he was a Michigan State fan for quite a while after that. It used to frustrate his dad so much - Brady never cheered against Illinois if they played one another but he always would cheer for Michigan State - thank God he outgrew that too.
Brady has grown into quite the young man (or pre-teen as he likes to say). He's got a really tender heart and can be quite withdrawn in crowds of people but trust me, he's hilarious! And it always melts my heart to see him with Lauren - he's really good with her and she loves him for it. He loves his sports and his video games, loves to torment his siblings, and loves his Mountain Dew!:) Oh, one more fun fact - Brady shares his birthday with 2 of his cousins and since they were all born on Cinco de Mayo they have renamed it Cinco de Masto!
Happy Birthday Bud!!
Brady was born on May 5th and let me tell you, his birth was very exciting and sad at the same time. You see I was in Denver when he was born so I got all these phone calls telling me how adorable he was and yet, I couldn't see him. He was a month old the first time I saw him and wow, was I in love! He was probably one of the cutest babies I've ever seen and no I'm not biased!:) My best friend was getting married that day and about 5 minutes before the wedding started, they pulled me into the hall so I could meet him. I was told I could hold him but if he threw up on me I was in big trouble. I have a photo of that moment which unfortunately isn't digital so I can't upload it. I was hooked! He came to visit me in Denver that August and he was even more adorable then the first time I saw him!
Brady was the sweetest little boy and he loved his daddy! No one could compete with his dad at all - he was a major sports fan as soon as he could make sense of it. He even learned how to read the sports page and would sit at the table and read all the scores every morning. When he was really young, the Cubs had a really good year and were in the playoffs. He knew what time the game was and he made sure that he reminded his mom so she could turn it on for him. He sat on the couch and watched the entire game and when they lost, it was very clear that his little heart was broken. He continues to love them to this day.
Another one of my favorite memories is when he was younger, his dad took him to an Illinois game. They played Michigan State and the half time show were all these little dogs. It must have made a big impression on him because he was a Michigan State fan for quite a while after that. It used to frustrate his dad so much - Brady never cheered against Illinois if they played one another but he always would cheer for Michigan State - thank God he outgrew that too.
Brady has grown into quite the young man (or pre-teen as he likes to say). He's got a really tender heart and can be quite withdrawn in crowds of people but trust me, he's hilarious! And it always melts my heart to see him with Lauren - he's really good with her and she loves him for it. He loves his sports and his video games, loves to torment his siblings, and loves his Mountain Dew!:) Oh, one more fun fact - Brady shares his birthday with 2 of his cousins and since they were all born on Cinco de Mayo they have renamed it Cinco de Masto!
Happy Birthday Bud!!
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